The Path to Resilience

Having to integrate and heal following challenge, stress, tragedy, or loss is naturally an emotionally painful process. Each of us must discover our own ways to move through distress to resilience, and yet, life calls us to resilience if we listen.

Resilience is not simply about about getting rid of the pain we experience quickly (though many may want you to confuse this kind of psychological toughness with resilience). The movement toward resilience is a movement toward wholeness through understanding.

Sources of resilience

Our intuitive ability to move towards wholeness is strengthened and renewed by:
  1. RELATIONSHIP: Loving, supportive, and trusting relationships and communities.
  2. FAITH (PURPOSE): Confidence and trust in ourselves, others, and life itself.
  3. ACTION: Our ability to communicate our feelings and needs, to take action, to ask for help, and to set boundaries appropriately as needed.
These are renewable sources of resilience that can be sought out, cultivated, learned, and practiced every day. You might begin by reflecting on your sources (no matter how big or small they might be):
  • I have… Who are the people, places, and communities that nourish me?
  • I am… What are the beliefs, values, and mindsets that give me strength and hope and connection?
  • I can… What are the choices, actions, words, and skills that help me navigate difficulty?
Organizations, communities, and institutions can tap into these sources of resilience just as individuals can: “We have…” “We are…” “We can…” That said, our dominant culture, by and large, does not focus on promoting these renewable sources of resilience for everyone and certainly does not include everyone in defining the “we” of collective resilience.

Therefore, practicing resilience in community or organizational settings requires embracing everyone’s experiences and seeking to transform the culture to cultivate sources of resilience for all and include all when defining “we”. This practice requires embracing the centrality of each individual experience in making up the collective experience AND the impact of the collective culture on each individual. No one else can tell you how to adapt towards wholeness AND you are not separate from the culture of systems and institutions you belong to.

The best ways to launch pathways to resilience as a leader both personally and within your organization is to focus on the work of cultivating connection, trust, communication (priorities, boundaries, needs), and agency.

Finding flexibility and balance

Resilience can be paradoxical. It’s built upon a balancing of honoring the complexity of human needs in the dynamic reality of our existence. Holding resilience work in gentle, flexible balance is essential to lovingly guiding yourself and your organizations on the path to resilience. Resilience as a priority asks us to listen, to be present, to meet the moment, honor the need, and to flow. How can you flow towards wholeness?

Consider this from the American Psychological Association:

“Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

  • Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning.
  • Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and reenergize yourself.
  • Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing yourself.
  • Relying on others, and also relying on yourself.”

Consider the importance of nimble both/and strategies to meet yourself and others in your needs as you seek to bring intention to developing rivers of resilience that flow from deep sources of relationship, faith, and action.

15 Leadership Practices Worth Exploring

How do you communicate you authenticity and ability to lead to others effectively? Can you just show up and say, “I’m here. I’m a leader. Let’s go.”? Is there some badge you wear when you’re ready that says, “Certified Leader”, so that everyone knows we are capable of leading them? 

Not always that simple, right? That’s because we communicate our leadership to others by leading. 

Leadership is all about practice. Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t titles and roles that we might have or seek or be given that act as badges in a way. And yet, when any one of us steps into those roles, people are looking at the ways that we show up, the ways that we take action, the ways that we practice leadership in order to evaluate how they engage with or follow or collaborate with us. 

Practice, Practice, Practice

So what are those practices? We’ve developed a list of 15 leadership practices that when studied and learned and practiced effectively can truly transform any one of us into a leader who will be recognized as such through our actions. Here they are:

  1. Listening Deeply
  2. Engaging Joy & Humor
  3. Living Compassion & Kindness
  4. Being Present & Generous
  5. Practicing Observation & Non-Judgment
  6. Connecting to Higher-Purpose
  7. Communicating Values
  8. Identifying Feelings & Needs
  9. Hosting Conversations
  10. Holding & Honoring Boundaries
  11. Understanding Choice & Control
  12. Dealing with Dualities & Paradoxes
  13. Navigating Power Dynamics
  14. Being Accountable
  15. Practicing Forgiveness

Now, you have the list! Maybe you’re thinking, “This is my magic wand. I’ll review these tonight and tomorrow show up in a new or different way.” I hope you’re inspired and thinking that… truly. And the challenge here is to really dive into these practices as we would a workout regiment. Doing 15 pushups tonight will not radically shift our arm strength and core, and yet doing 15 pushups every night and getting feedback and support in refining our form will over time fundamentally change our arm strength and core.

So, if you want to take your practice to the next level, I’d say you have a few options:

  1. Conduct a rigorous self-assessment: How are you doing in each of these areas? Get out a pen and a journal and begin to reflect. After journaling on each of the areas, if you find yourself unsure or curious to learn more, ask people around you for feedback, do some research, and set up a workout routine of sorts for the practice areas that you need to hone better.
  2. Get a coach: An executive coach, leadership coach, mentor, advisor… someone who will listen deeply, challenge you, support your reflection, and leave the choices up to you!
  3. Find a training program: Sign up up for a leadership or personal development program in a community that will help you develop greater awareness and understanding of yourself in the particular practices that feel like a struggle to you. May I suggest The Rootwise Hub? 🙂

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